How to Narcissistic Abuse Proof Your Life - Part 2
Driving home on Friday from work, I encountered a well-known practice that you may be familiar with too.
My commute is along A roads and I have become accustomed to driving at 70 mph. Driving along as I usually do, in the right-hand lane, I noticed that the car behind me was edging closer and closer to my bumper. Steadily, I continued driving, but the driver in the ‘boy-racer’ type car, moved closer still. At this point, I indicated and moved over to the left-hand lane whilst the driver accelerated past.
Observing, as the car drove on, it did the same to other vehicle drivers and they eventually made the same decision that I made: they moved to the left-hand lane also.
What seemed like only a minute later, with my mouth hanging open, I eyed the car as it exited the A road at the next junction. Why had the driver of the car so doggedly and determinedly sought to bully, push and compel other road users to move out of their way in the right-hand lane when thy were only going to exit using the left-hand lane only a minute or so later?
The answer which came to me regarding this question was that the driver had a sense of entitlement. Entitlement: when you feel as though you are deserving of something or that something is owed to you without you putting in the necessary work or effort- is one definition. This behaviour is an observable trait in someone presenting with narcissistic traits within their personality or someone whose behaviour is toxic.
Of course, I have no way of knowing what actually caused the driver of that car on Friday to drive in such a way, I only know that it didn’t look good, feel good or was safe driving. However, what led me to think that the driver behaved in an entitled way was that I have been in similar situations before and the driver has flashed their lights to let me know that they wanted to move ahead of me. I, in the right-hand lane, have obliged and moved over, allowing the other car driver to drive ahead. As this is a common practice on British roads, this led me to question why this particular driver did not choose to move past me using that method, instead of adopting the more bullish mode of behaviour. The first part of Philipians 2:3 states, ‘Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit,...’ and the behaviour described earlier could be defined as selfish. I am sure that the other road users on that stretch of the road on Friday would agree.
Such behaviour can cause annoyance and you can be left feeling angry. (I know I was a tad peeved). However, such behaviour- although reckless- is quite benign compared with other situations that you may encounter and go through in your journey through life. In moments like these, you and I have to choose our response. We will go through scenarios in our lives in which we will have to choose to maintain our peace and equilibrium, or not.
Isaiah 26:3 declares, ‘You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.’ Applying the word of a loving God to your life is the surefire way to narcissistic abuse or toxic person proofing your life. In a previous blog post I explored how God’s love to you can help you prevent narcissists negating your life experience. Now, in this post, I want to explore further by examining when you aim to live using the Scripture to guide your thoughts, decisions and actions, it will and can help you make wise decisions that will enable you to establish and maintain clear boundaries in your life.
You will be able to maintain boundaries because they are not based on a whim or a flimsy reason, no: they are based on the solid and unshakable word of God. You see God loves and cares for each one of us and wants our best. Jeremiah 29:11, a well-known verse puts it this way, ‘For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.’ God, by His grace, treats us mercifully and wishes that we extend that mercy to ourselves and others.
If you are serious about wanting to know how to constructively deal with toxic individuals or those who are displaying narcissistic traits. then you first have to accept God’s love for you, then as the song says, ‘open the eyes of our heart’ before we are able to extend that love to our fellow human beings. Love looks like mercy, grace, peace, boundaries, respect as Jesus in the Gospel of Luke 10:27 commanded us when He walked this earth:’ ‘So he answered and said “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’ and ‘your neighbour as yourself.’ ” As you can see, love for God comes. first, second, love for yourself, then love for others is third. Note how it takes strength to love and that strength can only be gained from God. Additionally, it will be God that will be able to give you the might and power to be able to stand in that love as love does not always look like love (how we define it) or feel all cuddly and woolly; sometimes, love is tough!
If you are fed up with your life being upended and really are intentional and interested in exploring further how you can love authentically and in so doing narcissist proof your life, look out (only on this website) for the release of my latest publication!
Until next time.
Love & Blessings
xx
