Visible, and yet, Invisible
How can you be visible and invisible at the same time?
As a woman of colour, I am very visible. Visible to be exoticised, visible to be criminalised, visible to be marginalised.
What do I mean?
When a man looks you up and down, then down and up - you can almost read their thoughts -”I wonder what it would be like to sleep with her? I wonder if they are as good in bed as I’ve heard?”
When something goes wrong, be it at school, university, work, and the accusatory finger of blame points in the direction of a person of colour.
When, as a woman of colour, you, your thoughts, ideas, suggestions, your work is diminished and reduced to a minuscule contribution. When you are pushed to the side, to the periphery, railroaded into accepting something less than ideal so that those in control, in power can feel comfortable. ‘The lack of racial representation is central to our experience for many of us’, states Ghiluane Khoulani in her book, Living While Black. She continues, ‘…not seeing oneself represented at work is thus a foundational experience for many of us.’
You see, you can be invisible at the same time.
Invisible, when it comes to praise for your efforts, time and contributions. Invisible when it comes to hiring practices. Invisible, when it comes to promotion of you, your talents, your ideas.
When this happens consistently, throughout your lifetime and your career, it can and will take a toll on your mental health. How can you experience mental well-being, when you are constantly made to feel as though you are less than, not valued, or valuable; despite how hard you work? Your lived experience is ever garnered at the expense of someone else’s ego.
I will be forever grateful for the audacious book by Ghiluane Khoulani, ‘Living While Black’ as she lifts the lid unflinchingly, on what it means to live as a person of colour when inhabiting predominantly white spaces: be it in the workplace, in a community, in a nation.
Today is World Mental Health Day. I want each of you who have taken the time to read this blog, to pause, ponder and appreciate the minds that we each have.
Whether you are living invisibly while yet visible; live your truth! I have found that to continually live in denial of who you are, what you are going through, telling about your lived experiences, is tantamount to NOT living.
Staying reticent can lead to mental health concerns. Now, before I continue, I need to state this disclaimer: we all have mental health and there is no, let me repeat, no stigma associated with mental health concerns or illnesses!
Today, and just not for today, do a mental health inventory and see where you are at. Be a means of support for individuals with mental health concerns such as anxiety or depression. Seek support for mental health concerns that you feel you may have.
Let this day be not another day of posts, likes or shares only; let this day be one where you speak your truth authentically, intentionally and passionately! One of the greatest gifts you can give to someone is to give them a listening ear. Be that person for someone, today!
Just yesterday, I spoke to a trusted friend after I had become triggered by something which had happened - once again, made to feel invisible, while yet very visible. After that purging conversation, we both felt ‘heard’ and felt ‘seen.’ Much needed for our mental health and well-being. We spoke our truth, shared our lived experiences and importantly, listened to each other. We also took the time to pray with each other and both felt a calmness afterwards. Faith has its place in this world: we often speak to each other but do not speak to the Creator. Or speak to Him enough.
Wherever you are today, do NOT sit in silence! Speak to someone you trust and take it from there.
Below, are a few websites where you can get help.
Places to Get Help and Support in the UK
https://www.blackmindsmatteruk.com
https://www.rethink.org
If you, like me, need reminding from time to time that we can be brave, courageous and free of fear, may the following quote give you something to not only think about but also to act upon.
“I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.” — Amy March, from Little Women
Until next time.
Love & Blessings
