“You are Mine!” Man’s jealousy vs Godly jealousy
Warning: contains upsetting and triggering information. #ifmywoundswerevisible - WNAAD23
“You are mine.” During the love bombing stage these three words are like a sweetly serenaded song gently caressing your ear as you complicitly agree that yes, this person who you have known (possibly) only for a relatively short time chooses you to be theirs.
Soon after, however, because the narcissist cannot keep up an act for too long, those three words now sound controlling, coercive and possessive.
A narcissist or someone presenting with the traits associated with narcissism can and will treat you as though you are an object. You are in their life to make them look good (to others) and feel good about themselves because you are their supply. That is why you are theirs or as they say, “You are mine!”
Narcissistic Behaviours
To keep you as their source of supply, they will
§ Lie to you
§ Belittle you and then hold out a breadcrumb of a backhanded compliment
§ Gaslight you so you question your version of events
§ Constantly change the goalposts
§ Swirl your head with word salad
§ Not take accountability
§ Deliberately provoke you and when you retaliate, they will tell you it is your fault
§ Constantly compare you and criticise you (within a triangulation) so you feel that you don’t ever measure up and as though you actually have no value without them
§ Never apologise (or if they do, it will be worded as though you are to blame)
§ Have a great sense of entitlement
§ Not adhere (or try not to) to any boundaries
§ Suck you dry and drain you emotionally, physically, mentally, financially
All the above and so much more is layered into the declaration of “You are mine!”
Mine to coerce
Mine to control
Mine to lie to
Mine to emotionally abuse
Mine to gaslight
Mine to tear down
Mine to belittle
Mine to discard
When I’ve had enough, when you’ve seen through me, when I’ve found another source of supply who will take me on full time.
When a narcissist states, “You are mine! they are not saying it from a place of genuine love, but from a place of ownership and entitlement.
Whatever the reason the person is presenting with narcissistic traits or has actually been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder according to DSM-5, you will ultimately decide as to how much access that person has to you and your life. For some, they will have to have access, for others, you may make a choice that they have no access. Whatever you decide, you the survivor, will need to make and maintain very strong boundaries.
God’s Boundaries and love
Boundaries are something that God knows all about. In Numbers 34:12, when God gave land to His people, He instructed, “…the border shall go down along the Jordan, and it shall end at the Salt Sea. This shall be your land with its surrounding boundaries.’ Then, in the New Testament, in Acts 17:26, it was observed of God, “And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their pre-appointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings.”
Both of these passages speak of what God gives to His loved ones. He does not take. Oooopps, silly me, of course He takes. He takes:
§ Your worry and gives you assurance
§ Your shame and gives you grace
§ Your broken heart and gives you healing
§ Your wounded soul and gives you peace
§ Your hurt and gives you hope
§ Your tears and gives you joy
§ Your fears and gives you faith
The Creator God of the universe takes such an interest in you that when you are ready to start your healing journey, He is right there with you. For He has promised to ‘never leave you nor forsake you.’
Typically, when a narcissist calls you, they call you not by your name, but by a pet name such as babe or darling amongst others. Arguably, so that if they are cheating on you romantically speaking, it would be harder for them to trip up by calling you by the wrong name.
God knows your name
However, God not only knows your name, but He also calls you by it. Isaiah 43:1 has one of the most beautiful passages of Scripture as God Himself states, “But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.”
When God states, “You are Mine.” it is vastly different to man’s statement. To belong to God means (as someone said) that you are the ultimate nepo-babe! He can and He will love you, care for you, provide for you, fight for you, be your All in All.
With God there is no hatred or indifference: only pure agape love.
To know more and to start your own healing journey, go to the store and get your 10-step recovery guide. World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day -June 1st, let this day be the day when you decide who gets to say, “You are mine.”
Choosing God is choosing to regain your identity that you lost, regaining your sense of worth and value, regaining your personhood, regaining your purpose. I know who I would choose. I have already made my choice. What will yours be?
See you on the other side!
Until next time.
Love & Blessings
xxx
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